Blame It On Jamie Lee Curtis

Why I would imagine that the color of my hair would hold an iota of interest to you, dear reader, cannot be explained other than to say I learned the hard way that it’s a subject that can ignite opinion, solicited or not.


I was serving as parliamentarian for a civic organization a few years ago and during a meeting, one of the members, henna-tressed, suddenly blurted out “What are you doing to your hair?”

“Nothing, really. I’ve just decided to stop coloring it.”

Stunned silence. Or as the hipsters say, “Crickets.” Just like that I was able to stop the proceedings of our monthly meeting. What power.

The president of the group, a woman in her mid-70s with expensively highlighted blonde hair, then offered this little gem: “But Barbara! You’re much too young to go gray!”

Tell that to the melanin levels in my hair follicles, please.

And as I looked out at the women around the table, I realized all but one had dyed hair. More power to them. The extent to which I Don’t Care about the color of their hair cannot be overstated. But their appalled reaction, and those of other women I met during the process of going “silver,” was a major wake-up call. And an irritating one.

By the time I was in my early fifties, I was sick to death of coloring my hair. Devoting three hours a month to having assorted chemicals smeared onto my head, the obscene cost, and the never-ending cycle of touch-ups was getting old. More than anything, I was curious what was actually under all those expensive highlights. It’s only hair, I reasoned. If I ended up battleship-gray or some other ghastly color, it would be easy enough to go back to the salon. I checked with Beloved Husband, he of the eternally brown hair and he was all for it, so full speed ahead.


Besides, Jamie Lee Curtis rocks that head of silver hair. Why couldn’t I?

During the dreadful stage of growing the hair out, the disbelieving and disapproving remarks from casual acquaintances and others began rolling in. Not everybody, to be fair, but many more than I ever would have imagined.

You see I had underestimated the reaction in the female tribe when one of us goes against the flow. It’s not appreciated. It’s perceived as threatening somehow. I had broken an unwritten rule.

We are to strive for a youthful appearance above all else. Even if it renders us unrecognizable.

images (2)

I defy any of you to tell me who this is.

Silly me, I was operating under the impression the color of my hair was a personal decision. Little did I know how freely some incredibly blunt opinions would be ventured right to my face. Good grief, woman, I don’t tell you NOT to color your hair, why on earth do you feel free to tell me I should? What possible difference does it make to you and why do you feel so passionately about it?

silver sisters

Middle sister, affectionately known as the “fashionista” of the three sisters, surprised me by sending this book in complete support of my little endeavor. And did it ever help me understand just what I gotten myself into. You see, it’s about more than hair. It’s hair as symbol of how we choose to age.

Striving to look younger has never been my goal as my looks started to….well, let’s just say change, okay? I have always just wanted to be the best 45, 50, and now 58-year old version of myself possible. I don’t kid myself into believing that the looks I used to get would suddenly return were I to start dyeing my hair again. But that’s my choice. As strongly as I feel about it being my personal decision, not doing so might be yours.  And that’s okay. I just wonder why we’ve bought into the concept that looking our age is somehow a sign of failure. We even say it, don’t we? “She’s really starting to show her age.” Like it’s a bad thing.


My sisters were wonderfully supportive. As were my close friends. I wish I could say the same for many others in my circle. Here some remarks which I haven’t blotted out of the memory bank yet:

“Oh, you’re so brave, Barbara!”

Brave? Really. No, brave is being a foster mother. Or working two jobs as a single mom.


“I’ve always wanted to do this, but I’m waiting to be a grandmother first!’

Because somehow then you’ll be ready to throw in the towel?


“No. I don’t agree with this!” 

Actually I don’t recall asking for permission.


“You look so distinguished now.”

Okay, now THAT could almost make me go back to the salon. EGAD. 


“My mother always said when a woman stops dyeing her hair, it’s the first sign she’s letting herself go.”

Oh, okay, Forrestine Gump. I’m letting myself go, all right, away from you and your dated ideas!


Yeah, these old broads have really let themselves go, haven’t they?

Men, on the other hand, were awesome about it. If any of them really noticed or cared, I never knew. I think men respond to a woman who is confident, happy, and takes care of herself. We women are the ones who put all the pressure on ourselves to adhere to some ridiculously unachieveable model of youth and beauty.

Beauty is such a complicated subject , isn’t it? It brings out the best and worst in us, something I’ve known all my life. This experience just reinforced it. One of these days I plan to write a bit on the subject, but I might be too busy letting myself go…..into the garden, the lecture hall, the museum, the cockpit of a little Cessna, the rescue kennel, and whatever else is around the corner for this Silver Sister. Rock on, ladies.

Thanks for reading,


About Silver in the Barn

Life in a 1915 farmhouse in Central Virginia. And the odd thought or two.
This entry was posted in Books, Humor, Random Ruminations and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

434 Responses to Blame It On Jamie Lee Curtis

  1. My aunt Mimi used to say, “As long as I can hold a bottle over my head, I shall never be gray!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Siobhán says:

    Such a good post and so true! In my late thirties I’d started getting a little gray at the temples. One day a female co-worker blurted across the office, in front of plenty of men, “Oh my God! You’re going gray!” All the men swivelled and stared at my hair. I was mortified and it really stung that a fellow woman would do that. I started dyeing my hair the next month. Now in my early 50s, I’ve let my natural color grow. It’s taken a year to achieve, but now I’m dye-free. I’ve gotten lots of comments along the way, many unsolicited, including the “brave” one and the “You’re too young” one too. At a recent event with 50 couples in attendance, I was one of only two silver-haired ladies in the group… and most of the women were older than me. I know that my hair color choice is an uncommon one, but it’s one that I like and that feels like ME. My desire is that women will see me and realize there’s another choice in addition to the dye bottle and whichever way they choose is great. Beauty, sexiness and femininity don’t depend on the color of your hair.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Natalie Harris says:

    I love this article! I’m 35 and have been coloring my hair for 20 year’s and I’m sick and tired of it! I’m about 80% gray..I’m ready to #gogray
    I completely relate to everything you said. Countless hours in the chair and who knows how many thousands of dollars over the years.
    The thought to coloring my hair for another 20 or 30 years makes me sick.
    I’m going to cut it super short like Jamie Lee Curtis and let it grow. And if I don’t like it, then I can color it. It’s only hair afterall!
    Thanks for writing this…it’s exactly what I needed to hear!


  4. Love this! Thanks for writing it.


  5. One of my sisters friends had seen a pic of me on FB and asked her “WHAT is your sister doing with her hair???” It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life, though~~ditching the dye!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Farrel Lewis says:

    I started going gray in my late 40s (I am 64) and actually kind of liked my little white streak that first showed up. My dad had a full head of beautiful silvery white hair when he died at age 94. But I succumbed and colored for about four years, then quit for good at about age 57. I have never, ever regretted the decision. The time, expense, and possible health risks from the chemicals were not worth it. I wish more women would embrace their natural gray hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Polly O'Neill says:

    ALL the silver haired ladies look awesome, much much better than if they were continuing to dye their hair some artificial-looking colour. Get over it critical saddos…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so happy that I found this blog! No kidding to all of the comments- I got most of them, too. I love my hair. It’s the best thing I’ve done for myself. And I should have “let myself go” years ago! My husband actually encouraged me to let go. And he has always had a thing for Jamie Lee! She is a stunner.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Shari says:

    Thank you for writing this!

    For five years or more, I let “everyone else” talk me out of what I knew in my heart I wanted /needed to do. And then a bad allergic reaction to hair dye forced the decision. Like you, I suffered through the intrusive comments (and incessant Pepe lepew/cruella deville jokes from my siblings.) I especially loved the comments from the eighty year old women in my synagogue who dye their hair every two weeks. I closed my ears, restyled my hair to minimize demarcations and carried on. Two years out, i am supremely happy with my decision as I watch my formerly jet black hair turn to pepper and salt and now more salt. We have to do what makes us happy. And other people should keep their opinions to themselves. (And I believe the person you asked us to recognize is Darryl Hannah)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Farrel Lewis says:

      I had a weird reaction one of the last times I was in the chair too, which was one of the many many reasons I quit getting my hair dyed. My scalp and eyes started to burn right after the dye was put on, and my stylist mentioned that I was the second person that had complained about that problem. But I am a little confused of your mention of Darryl Hannah. I googled “recent pictures Darryl Hannah” and from what I can tell, she is still bleaching her hair blond. Or an I missing something?


  10. Amy Dineen says:

    I also had a terrible allergic reaction to hair dye. It amazes how few people have heard of allergies to hair dye and how insensitive people can be. I am just at the beginning of going gray in my mid 40s and really appreciate these boards to give me confidence going forward.


  11. Lee says:

    Thank you for a great article! I started growing out my grey two years ago at 48, and have to admit to feeling conflicted at times. A well meaning co-worker asked if i was growing out my hair for Halloween. When I replied that, no, I was going natural, she replied in horriified shock “But you will look so OLD!” Luckily my first reaction was to laugh out loud at her blurted resonse, rather than take it to heart. 😉


  12. Anna Long says:

    What a wonderfully written article. Thank you. I feel exactly as you do.
    I’m nearly 47. I just want to be me.


I welcome your comments:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s