His books, his booze, his Brooks Brothers shirts are all at home, but he is not. In their eighties, my once inseparable parents have been wrenched apart, physically anyway, by the disabling symptoms of Parkinson’s. Dad is in a veterans’ care facility where everything is top-notch except the ghastly institutional food. White bread served with packets of margarine doesn’t fly with the Old Sarge, long the appreciative recipient of my mother’s excellent cooking.
She prepares brie and salami sandwiches on nine-grain bread for his lunch. On his nightstand sit little containers of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, sour cream cake, and sliced apples – tastes of home. She wheels him into the parking lot to see what he thinks about her car tires.
When the aides dressed my always dapper father in appalling combinations, she swooped in and hung matching outfits for the week in his closet, Garanimals-style. His room holds his Civil War bronze soldier, books, fresh flowers, pictures of his family, a book of prayer.
She brings him a communion wafer each Sunday after mass and they sit, then, and read the paper together. Life goes on. So does love.
Silver in the Barn 
Sorry to hear about your father, but what a wonderful marriage they have! Such caring makes it tolerable to have to be in an institutional living situation. He is really a fortunate man.
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Yes, Kayti, you’ve used the right word: tolerable. And he would be the first to agree with you about how fortunate he is to have my mother.
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So happy to see this again. God bless Sarge. XXX
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Thank you so much, Carol.
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Lovely to see a post from you. Possibly not the best topic.
A friend of my parents had PD. She died at home struggling to help him around, so the vets’ place could be the best option.
Old age is hard. We learn this as we watch our parents fall to physical or mental health problems and try to help them.
Then, we wonder, how will I go?
Sending you and your parents much love.
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Kate, thank you so much. Was thinking about you the other day as I stumbled across “Botticelli’s Bastard” and realized I had yet to read it. Sheesh! Wonder whether it would make a good book club read?
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There’s certainly enough to discuss, so from that perspective, yes. If you recall I didn’t rave over it, but it was interesting. I read another one later called The Artisan’s Star, which I think could be a decent book club read.
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Barbara, as usual, this was so beautifully written. Aging can be so difficut. Your parents are a wonderful example of aging with grace, love and closeness. God bless them both.
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Jeanie, Hello, and thank you so much. Life isn’t always fair, as you know so very well, but it’s about how we roll with the punches. xx
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I am in tears, but my heart feels warm. True love! Barb you must be so proud of them. 😘
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You know what, Mary Ellen? That’s exactly what I am: Proud. xx
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I absolutely adore this post. Bittersweet.
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Would you mind if I reblogged this?
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Thank you so much.
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So beautifully written, Barbara. I’ve so missed your words. What a wonderful marriage they have – I love especially the swooping in with matching outfits. I’m sorry to hear of your parents’ struggles (and thus yours) but so so happy to see a post from you arrive in my inbox.
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And you know what makes me happy? That you didn’t say “Silver Who?” Thanks for remembering me, Heather, hope life in Australia is good and I do hope to get over to catch up a bit with your blog when time allows. xx
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I’ve thought of you often, Barbara. Wondered how you were doing. Kept thinking, ‘I should send her an email’ but never quite managed it. So very happy to hear from you. 🙂
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What a beautiful, touching post, arising from such a difficult situation. Those little touches of home are so important. The graciousness — the grace — they represent surely make the situation more bearable for your father: and perhaps for your mother, too. Wanting to “do something” is such a normal reaction, and she clearly has a way of “doing” with love and attentiveness.
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Everything my mother does makes the situation more bearable for him and, in consequence, then for her too. But who takes care of her. So easy to overlook the needs of the caregiver which is where I try to step into the breach. Not always as well as I should.
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What a wonderful love story and what a shame our care facilities for the elderly are so inadequate and poorly managed and staffed.
Thank you for sharing such a poignant story.
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We feel quite grateful that for the most part Dad’s facility, which is for veterans, is really good. But, oh, the food is just awful. If my mother was in charge of the kitchen, she’d be working wonders on their same budget, guaranteed.
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Barbara, this is truly a bittersweet story. Your mom’s love and caring of your dad is beautiful. Love does go on. A hopeful post even as it describes inevitable decline.
On another note altogether, I’m happy to see you pop up again and wish you well.
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Hello, Susanne, thank you so much. Have been wondering how your writing has been going. Last I remember you were taking some time off to hone your skills in a fiction workshop?
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What a memory you have, Barbara! Yes, I did the course, wrote a few stories and here I am pretty much back where I started – blogging and enjoying blogging and writing and occasionally submitting things I think are worthy. And that’s that!
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So glad to see you back, Barbara. Getting old is not as easy as some make out, but your dad is getting the important touches of his wife with both still able to share in each other.
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Gerard, I hope you are well over there in Oz. I’m grateful my parents are able to still cling to vestiges of normal life and have somewhat accepted their new reality.
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Oh Barbara! A heartwarming and bittersweet love story! Thank you for sharing. It is hard to watch those we love suffer, but it is also so beautiful to see the love that endures. It is this thing we call life…. So nice to see you back here writing.
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Hello Jodi, how are you? Still baking up a storm, taking beautiful photos, and painting? I hope all is well in your neck in the woods.
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Yep – still at it! 🙂 Hope all is well in your neck of the woods too! Big night ahead!
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A beautiful love story, Barbara. I see such courage and gentleness and a lovely affection in the way your Mother cares for your Father. You are able to share…. in your beautiful words…. what so many of us have faced as we and our parents have aged. Sending love and hugs to you! xx
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Jean, I am so proud of Mom and Dad. They have really given their children the gift of a fine example of strength and devotion.
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How sad. How beautiful.
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Thank you, Bruce.
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Beautifully written post. The later years can be so difficult. I’ve been thinking of you and glad to see you posting again.
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Hi Dianna, thank you so much. We were recently down in the Chippokes Plantation State Park and I thought of you. Hope all is well with you and Motor Man.
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Oh, I wish I’d known – if you’d had time, we could have met! That’s only about 30 minutes from me! Maybe another time!
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Next time, Dianna, because there will be one. We really enjoyed that state park.
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It’s a beautiful place. My uncle used to be a caretaker there, and my dad helped him with the upkeep on all the buildings before it was a state park. When I was a little girl, my mom, grandma and I would ride there on Sunday afternoons. The stables were my favorite area!
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Barbara, nice to see you back! Even though a bittersweet story! Your mother’s love shines through in keeping the dignity of your father and the normalcy of daily life. Beautiful! 💛 Christine
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Thank you so much, Christine, I very much appreciate your comment. Hope all is well with you and yours.
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It’s less a better-or-worse and more a testament of love.
These stories of couples being separated by poor health later in life after decades together is appalling and sad beyond words.
I’ve missed you Barbara. It’s nice to see you here again, but I’m so sorry for you that it’s a sad chapter in your life right now ❤
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Hello, Joanne, and thanks so much. I hope to get back into the occasional WP post again as often there is too much to say within the confines of Instagram. Hope you’re enjoying a nice Canadian autumn.
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Thank you so much for introducing me to IG. I’m enjoying my occasional forays into Instagram, but haven’t spent the time to get ‘entrenched’ 🙂
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Barbara, so nice to see a post from you. I think of you often, wondering how things are in your part of the world. How was your garden this year?
Your words are bittersweet. Old age often robs us of some things, but not all. It’s so wonderful that your Mom has continued to bring home comfort to your Dad. A beautiful thing. Blessings!
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Hello, Eliza, and thank you. My garden is a horror. No false modesty, truly it is. All the mistakes I’ve committed over the past ten years (wrong plants in the wrong place) have come home to roost. So I’ve started my Great Garden Demolition project and hope to rectify mistakes over time. And your beautiful garden?
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It was a great year for me in the garden. I had a lot of energy for it and got a lot done early on before the heat caused me to lag behind. Now we’re tucking in for winter and the long dormancy ahead.
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Such bittersweet notes about your father. The bond between your parents certainly transcends this time in their lives. Love to you all as the road continues.
Sent from my iPhone
>
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Thank you , Kathy, I’m so proud of the two of them. They set a fine example for handling old age with dignity.
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Welcome back! Sorry to hear that things are not going so well with your father but so nice to know that love conquers all.
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Thank you, Marissa, hope to catch up with you soon and also hope that all is well with your family.
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Yes, doing well, thank you!
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So glad to see you posting again: you have indomitable parents
The decision must have been a hard one to take.
Of course the care – apart from the food (margarine!)- is top notch, but your mother’s determination to keep the small, essential things of life going strong can do nothing but help her husband.
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The small, essential things of life are the most critical at this stage which is why the abysmal meals have proven so difficult. I brought Dad a giant bottle of green Tabasco sauce to amp up the flavor a bit and his tablemate and he ran through that thing faster than you could imagine.
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Food is so important: why people think that the elderly lose all sense of taste I will never know, but smiling to think how fast that bottle of green Tabasco disappeared!
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So good to see you back. So good to see that ‘For better or worse’ really does still exist.
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Hello Helen and I so appreciate your comment. I recently reread “Six Weeks in Summer” and enjoyed it so much. Hoping you may have released another by now?
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Missed your posts so much, Barbara. This is sad, but at the same time inspiring. I wish you all well.
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Most kind, Sandra, and I so hope life has been good for you and yours over this past year or so. Looking forward to being able to catch up occasionally.
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Hello Barbara, I am sorry to hear that your father’s case has advanced so seriously. I’m sure that he is now absolutely living for visits from his family. The most difficult moment of such visits is when you have to leave, but they don’t want to let you go.
–Jim
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Hello Jim, so nice to hear from you. I remember you had a seriously injured friend in a nursing home so I know you have first-hand experience with the visitation process. Always a wrench to leave them behind. My father is so good, I must say. Stiff upper lip and very little self-pity.
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Barbara, what a beautifully written post. Your love shines through and you have obviously inherited your parent’s wonderful values. Wishing you all my best wishes.
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Hello, Barbara, lovely to hear from you and I hope all is well with you and yours.
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Barbara, I only rejoice with you that they are able to spend more sacred moments together somehow. So good to “hear” your voice again. How is your daughter? Keeping you and Roger in my prayers. This chapter of life can be beautiful at times. Peace, Sarah G
On Sun, Nov 6, 2016 at 2:28 PM, Silver in the Barn wrote:
> Silver in the Barn posted: “His books, his booze, his Brooks Brothers > shirts are all at home, but he is not. In their eighties, my once > inseparable parents have been wrenched apart, physically anyway, by the > disabling symptoms of Parkinson’s. Dad is in a veterans’ care facility > wher” >
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Sarah, you have such a gift of seeing the positive in sad situations. And, indeed, it could be much worse as we remind ourselves constantly. All is well with Jen, thanks for asking.
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Hello Barbara, Thank you for sharing your sad, but also endearing news of your Father It is so difficult for your mother also, having to come to terms with an illness. Old age is a bitch at times.The happy loving marriage they have shows in their smiles and in their eyes. Bless them, you and your family. Beautifully written post Barabara and welcome back.
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Old age is a bitch! I think someone sells needlepoint pillows with that very inscription. Thanks so much for your comment and I hope all is well in your neck of the woods.
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A bittersweet story, for sure, but I am going to choose to look at the very sweet aspects of it–they still have each other, you still have them both, there is still love evident all around! And, can I just say, that I am so happy to see you back here? I’ve missed you and your view of the world very much. Here’s hoping you’re back to stay!
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Thank you so much, Kerry, I’ve missed you too and hope to fit a bit more blogging into my life very soon. So appreciate your kind words.
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Love is found in the little things.
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Always in the little things, i couldn’t agree more.
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Welcome back, Barbara, I have really missed your posts but understand entirely that you have been occupied by life’s challenges. So many other readers have used the word “bittersweet” to describe your parents’ marriage, your mother’s incredible dedication to maintain some sense of familiarity and a feeling of being loved and cared for as this illness robs him of his independence and health. I am sure, you, too, as a dedicated daughter are doing your best to ease this transition period for him. Much love from across the mountains….
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Thank you, Annette, you always find the right words to say. Very much appreciate your kindness.
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It’s good to see you back. I always enjoy your posts.
Your mother took her marriage vows: “for better or worse” seriously. Your dad is a lucky man to have such a dedicated and loving spouse.
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Thank you so much, I do hope to manage a bit more blogging in my schedule in the future. Thanks for remembering me!
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What a wonderful wife and mother, she knows exactly what matters most and brings most peace and pleasure.
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What a wonderful man and beautiful story! My dad passes a few years ago from altimerzers, a horrible disease. He always thought I was my mom went I went to visit him. He would said emily (my mom) where have you been. She was the love of his life and it gives me comfort to know they are together again❤️😇😇
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I have really missed the charm and humanity of your posts. So welcome back.
Thoughts and prayers go out to your parents all your family.
As you say say love abides and what remains of us is love.
Best regards Thom.
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Hi Barbara! I’m glad your mother is able to maintain a connection with your dad despite the forced separation. It’s hard to deal with much of what life throws at us. Sometimes all we can do is keep breathing . . . while eating brie and salami sandwiches on nine-grain bread.
Hope that you and your family enjoy some warmth and happiness during the holidays.
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Inspiring and beautiful! I am so glad that you shared this on November 6th. I’m sure that you are too. Prayers for you and your family. Nancy
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I was brought up around a lot of really old really ancient relative. Watching them and those who care for them is something of a gift to the younger generation. They trained us/inspired us well.
Lovely.
Wishing you miles of smiles, intriguing wanderings, and lots of wonder in the New Year. Cheers and onward with spirit, courage, and hope.
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My 81 year old father has Parkinson’s also, so far is doing okay at home with Mom, but one never knows what the next couple of years will bring….
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That is positively beautifully written.
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Positively beautifully written and a beautiful family.
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This is a beautiful reflection on their love and care for each other. As a former 10 year Nursing Home staff member I arrived everyday to treat each person as I would have wanted my parents to be treated. I met very beautiful families while there.
Thanks for sharing your parents continuing love story
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I know this must be so very difficult for both of them. Your mother’s love speaks volumes about her and their relationship.
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Oh, Barbara, I cannot read your beautifully crafted words without tearing up at how you always get to
The human core of everything, the beating heart.
The same reaction to other perfect art; an aria, a Monet, it is the same.
In reading this, your father becomes real and cherished to your readers, all. Thank you always for what you share.
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